Today I was told to stand away from the microwave.

It's been a long time since I've been warned of the dangers of microwaves. I think the last time I was about 7, & was advised that if I didn't step back right now, my babies would 'come out deformed'.

So incensed was my seven-year-old mind with the advice that I had to start living my life in the allowable boundaries provided by my unborn and unwanted children, that I took only half a step back and stood, staring defiantly not at my advisor (some dimwit hippy parent of a friend of mine, who peppered her house with instructions from the fridge door to the cupboards to the table to the chairs -- to 'sit up straight' and 'don't eat sweets in the afternoon' and 'say please', 'say thank-you' -- her children were strange and miserable, as you may've guessed) but at the microwave itself, the very thing that was meant to be deforming my ghost children already.

Half a step back, almost daring the microwave to bring it on, bring it ON!!

So far, I have not had deformed babies, nor indeed any babies at all, though this has nothing to do with microwaves.

Today's microwave warning came from someone who said simply, 'It's bad for your health.' And indeed, the microwave in question carries a sticker proclaiming it safe from a distance of thirty centimetres. Radiation Warning, it says, putting me instantly in mind of the ravages of radiation on the body of the Incredible Hulk -- my least favourite comic hero to date. Naturally I do not wish for the same fate! Today, ( I take two steps back. )

Last week I had a bit of an operation. No big deal, apparently people have operations all the time. This one removed one of those internal organs that doctors promise are entirely irrelevant to modern living (it was the gallbladder and, as strangedave suggested, it seems the only real purpose of a gallbladder is to assist in the swallowing of dinosaurs whole).

So here I am, mentally fit, physically challenged, a bit like that tv show with the detective in the wheelchair. Why don't they remake that, eh? I mean, Starsky & Hutch they can do, but what about other classics? The Rockford Files, I'd love to see a new one of those. Maybe Simon & Simon. Actually, no, keep your filthy capitalist hands off our classics, you fascist swines. I heard what you did to Charlies' Angels.

Anyhow, where was I? Oh yeah, so today was the first day I've left the house unassisted since Thursday, & I went around to the bakery bent nearly double, like some crazy lady, and trying not to cough -- because the anesthetics gave me a cough & the cough hurts the place where they stuck the camera into my belly to get a good view of my gallbladder.

Sorry: I shoulda prefaced this as the 'too much information' post.

So there I am, trying to stand straight & trying not to cough, & I realise I've become one of those pedestrians I hate: the slow ones. The ones that seem to stroll about with nothing better to do. I realised my compromised pace looked like a stroll. And I was gripping my handbag like maybe it was holding me upright -- well, as upright as I could get. And I was coughing & then saying 'ouch'. Cough cough ouch ouch, goddammitt. And people were looking at me. Because I looked crazy, right.

And because, I realised on my way home, I haven't brushed my hair since Thursday. I look like a crazy lady with crazy-lady-bed-hair.

What the hell am I doing outdoors, eh?

I've become addicted to the Sydney Morning Herald recently, which is unusual because I don't tend to enjoy newspapers, and make a point of not watching regular news casts.

Because I find them depressing.

Finding this story in the SMH, then, is almost ironic:

Dirt could ease depression
People who suffer from depression could benefit from getting dirty, according to new British research.
A friendly bacteria found in soil has the same uplifting effects as those produced by anti-depressant drugs.
Scientists say Mycobacterium vaccae stimulates the immune system and activates the brain to produce the mood enhancing chemical, seratonin.
Dr Chris Lowry says, unless we all start playing in the dirt, researchers now need to find a way of getting the bacteria into people's systems.
The study supports the "hygiene hypothesis" - which argues a rise in conditions like asthma and allergies is linked to a lack of exposure to various micro-organisms.
The emphasis on cleaning and hygiene, particularly in urban Western environments, could be affecting people's immune systems, according to the theory.

-- AAP

I like it.

As I see it every day you do one of two things: build health or produce disease in yourself.
-- Adelle Davis
(via QuoteWorld)

Good news! Hot cocoa has been found to contain more antioxidants per cup than a similar serving of red wine or tea and may be a healthier choice.

I confess the finding is from 2003, but has only just made it into the cheerful little pharmacy newsletter I picked up last week. To celebrate its transition into my consciousness I naturally enough had a cup of hot cocoa today. I'm not sure the amount of sugar I accompanied it with was necessarily good news for anything at all, but hey, it was a celebration. Consideration can't be given to sugar on celebration days.

For those who want the tasty treat but also want to avoid extra sugar and dairy products that are common additives to cocoa, healthier alternatives are possible: Skim or soy milk can substitute for regular milk, while an artificial sweetener can replace the sugar.

Whatever.

This news is almost as excellent as the finding that peanut butter can reduce the risk of Alzheimer's Disease. Oh, and other kinds of polyunsaturated fats are also helpful, though who need look any further than peanut butter?

I like the 100% peanut butter, as crunchy as possible (which is pretty funny, 'cos I'm not much of a fan of peanuts) with butter on warm (not hot) toast. Not that I'm fussy. I will eat any kind of peanut butter, on any kind of bread or toast, I will even eat it from a spoon. Though I have not yet attempted -- as one friend suggested -- to eat it by sticking a chocolate bar into the peanut butter jar and snacking on the result while watching a DVD or two. No. I haven't attempted that. Yet.