Today I was told to stand away from the microwave.

It's been a long time since I've been warned of the dangers of microwaves. I think the last time I was about 7, & was advised that if I didn't step back right now, my babies would 'come out deformed'.

So incensed was my seven-year-old mind with the advice that I had to start living my life in the allowable boundaries provided by my unborn and unwanted children, that I took only half a step back and stood, staring defiantly not at my advisor (some dimwit hippy parent of a friend of mine, who peppered her house with instructions from the fridge door to the cupboards to the table to the chairs -- to 'sit up straight' and 'don't eat sweets in the afternoon' and 'say please', 'say thank-you' -- her children were strange and miserable, as you may've guessed) but at the microwave itself, the very thing that was meant to be deforming my ghost children already.

Half a step back, almost daring the microwave to bring it on, bring it ON!!

So far, I have not had deformed babies, nor indeed any babies at all, though this has nothing to do with microwaves.

Today's microwave warning came from someone who said simply, 'It's bad for your health.' And indeed, the microwave in question carries a sticker proclaiming it safe from a distance of thirty centimetres. Radiation Warning, it says, putting me instantly in mind of the ravages of radiation on the body of the Incredible Hulk -- my least favourite comic hero to date. Naturally I do not wish for the same fate! Today, I take two steps back.

Also, of course, 'health' is something very real to me now, whereas my 7-yo self had no real concept of health. Back then I'd heard of only one person actually dying, & that was the 3-yo sister of someone in my class, who was clearly sick in odd and frightening ways (glasses as thick as tombstones on her eyes, and stumpy, uncontrollable limbs that confined her largely to a pram her whole life).

Although, now that I think about it, there was also the skinny, needy girl in my class to whom we had to 'be nice' because her father had been lost at sea. Initially I'd wondered how he'd even made it all the way out to sea on his own to *get* lost, but apparently there was a ship involved and a war and many things get lost when those two things engage. Still, I visualised him forever wandering in lost circles aboard a pirate ship, never growing any older, staring unblinkingly at the ocean with that kind of mortal fear that comes with being lost (I myself had been lost for a short time), occasionally wondering about the daughter he'd apparently never met. It all seemed quite adventurous to me & rather than pity, I think I felt envy for the (mildly frustrating) girl of my acquaintance. Not only did she get to have a life far more interesting than mine, but she also received the benefit of everyone being nice to her. Life was truly unfair for those of us who weren't pirate daughters.

In particular for me now, given last year's health challenges (to which I'm still adjusting -- it seems to come & go, though still 'early days' yet), health and death are quite real things indeed. And age, age is on my mind, also. I feel much older than I did 2 years ago, & find myself worrying about things falling to pieces & wondering how to cope with all the possible unwanted outcomes of my erstwhile breezy approach to my own wellbeing. Thank god I never took up smoking, is all I can say. Those TV ads about the dying smokers are terrifying. I also occasionally find time to fret about the mortality of friends, & one outcome of this is that I find I can't hold grudges anymore. I kinda miss that about myself.

I've heard even human beings give off radiation, though I'm not convinced the life of a hermit is particularly healthy (however desirable, at times). They say if you want to sleep safely at night you should remove any & all electric blankets -- & people -- from your bed.

As the saying goes, 'You may not actually live longer, but it'll sure feel like it'.